the manganos

As the day quickly approached for Lily's eye surgery my heart was anxious, my stomach was in knots and my thoughts jumped from one terrible thought full of sorrow and disappointment to a thankful and peaceful state of mind quicker than I ever thought possible. I spent the days and weeks prior to her surgery constantly praying that her MRI results would come back perfect and her surgery would go smoothly. Being a nurse myself my mind went through every little detail that goes along with starting IV's, giving sedation, intubating patients, sitting in a viewing room while my patient is having an MRI done, moving patients from one table to the next, what OR's are like, how sterile technique is suppose to be performed, what it's like when Dr's are performing surgery, what it's like to extubate a patient and bring them off sedation and finally wheel them to recovery. All my heart could hope for was that Dr. Packwood and all of those involved in our experience at Cook's would not only think of her as a patient but as our sweet little angel and treat her as if she were their own. We started our morning out waking up at 4:30, well Jordan woke up at 2:30 because his was heart was anxious and his mind racing as well. We got ready and woke Lily up around 5:15 and headed for Cooks. I know I kept everyone up to date pretty well on where were in the process but this is more about how my heart and mind felt through the day. We got to registration a little before 6:00, got checked in and headed for the MRI check-in. I was so proud of Lily because she was in such a happy mood and was laughing and smiling and waving to everyone. Sweet girl had no idea what was about to hit her in the next hour. As they called our name we headed to the pre-anesthesia area where the CRNA, nurse, and anesthesiolgist came in and visited with us, assessed Lily, went over her history and asked all sorts of questions. It finally came time to go to the room where they would put Lily to sleep. They let me go in the room and hold her and comfort her until I laid her down on the table so they could put her banana-flavored mask on her face and put her to sleep. She screamed and cried and pushed at the mask and my heart wrenched and the tears began to flow as I watched my precious little girl fight but the anesthetic finally took over. It came time for me to leave the room and as I walked out I got lightheaded and felt like I was going to faint. All I could focus on was getting out of there and back to my husband to cry and be held. As I sat down next to him my heart became heavier and the tears came faster. I finally was able to get a hold of myself and calm down but my heart still pounded, my stomach in knots and my hands shook. We waited in the starbucks and played UNO to pass the time and keep our minds off of what was taking place only a few steps away from us. After almost 2 hours had passed since I left Lily they finally called and said she had been taken to surgery and we should head to the surgery waiting area. The nurse in the OR called to verify her birthday and let us know surgery had begun and she was doing wonderful. That nurse had no idea how much she made my heart flutter and pound just with those few simple words. She said the doctor would be out in 30 minutes or less to talk with us give us an update. Those 30 minutes felt like hours but as soon as I saw him walk through the doors from the OR we lept out of our chairs and rushed to talk to him. He told us everything went great and that the MRI would not be read until the next day and he would call us with the results. We sat back down in the surgery waiting room and waited for our name to be called. 10 minutes passed, then 20 then 30 and finally they came to get us. We walked in to the PACU to see our little Lilybug laying in a crib connected to monitors with IV fluids hanging next to her. My heart was flooded with emotions. I could not wait to hold her and rock her. She still had "No-No's" on both her arms protecting her IV and to keep her from rubbing her eye. I never thought I would be so thankful to hear her cry and although it was a hoarse cry from having been intubated it was music to our ears. She would get comfortable and then move and cry again. We got her to drink 4 oz of pedialyte so they would let us go home. Finally we were cleared by anesthesia to leave and her IV was removed. We walked to the car buckled our angel in and headed home. After 2 naps Lily was back to her precious self giggling, smiling and being silly. Her left eye is bloodshot but even so she is still the most beautiful baby ever. It's not easy telling a 10 1/2 month old No when she rubs her left eye which results with crying because she doesnt understand what's happened or fighting her to put her eye drops in. I am so thankful its over with and the surgery is done. I am thankful there's a fix for her condition called "strabismus". It may have been a routine surgery and yes there are lots of children that have had it done but that doesnt make it any easier on my heart watching my child go through what she did. I'm thankful its the only thing that was the matter and yes there are alot of children that go through much worse and it breaks my heart that other familes have to go through much more difficult experiences. She is a tough little cookie and won't remember what she went through but I will forever remember this day and it will always be engrained in my mind. This experience has brought Jordan and I closer, my heart has grown stronger for Lily and I love them both more than I did the day before. She continues to teach me so much about being strong and always getting back up every time you're down. I'll post an update when we speak with Dr. Packwood about her MRI results. Until then here's a few pictures from our day.
Thank you so much for all of your love, support, thoughts and prayers. Without them this day would have been much much more difficult.